| I will no longer be blogging here. The last website i left was incorrect and here is the site.
http://www.firsttogo.com/xtian
http://www.firsttogo.com/xtian
http://www.firsttogo.com/xtian
http://www.firsttogo.com/xtian
http://www.firsttogo.com/xtian
http://www.firsttogo.com/xtian
http://www.firsttogo.com/xtian
http://www.firsttogo.com/xtian
stay tuned!
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| deciding to do a happiness take because i was reading karen's xanga and thought i should write.
as much as i do not want to write about it, i feel like its just appropriate to write about it when it comes to happiness. its been almost a year and i am yet to find what makes me happiness. i mean, i guess thats what happens when your world is turned upside down, you try to reevaluate yourself and really rediscover yourself. i am still on this journey and can only pray that one day soon i can truly say that i am happy again. so when you see me smiling, its fake, because deep down inside, i don't think theres much to smile about.
sorry to stray away from my venting, but when it comes down to it, how many of us are truly happy. when i say truly happy, i mean like is your life everything you always thought it would be? a majority of us have this ideal life that we wish to have and as we go through life we often take the picture apart and settle for what we can get. i understand that there is no perfect life but who really dreams of a perfect life. we wish certain things to be and we cant even have the little things right. i guess i'm just trying to say don't just settle because everyone out there deserves what they want and i truly believe that if you keep searching you can find whatever it is you wish.
anyways, i have the best friends and family in the world. 
peace and much love.
-xtian
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| As I looked out on to the sunset today, I've realized so much. How things in life constantly change and that I will never be the same person that I was yesterday. Things happen to each and every one of us that affect how we feel and what we may do tomorrow. So crazy how life works.
It seriously feels just like yesterday:
-bike rides to blockbuster with Jed happened every weekend to get that new N64 game
-i was still apart of 'the kids'/'the kids' still existed
-every birthday was at central park BUT we still found a way to have fun
-saint irenaeus
-nokia 3310
-THE Three Musketeers
-pokemon cards
-real cartoons
-skating with David and Eddie
It sucks that these kind of things must die as we grow older. I understand that as we grow, we must become more responsible and have bigger concerns in life, but sometimes I wish I could live my life as freely as I did before. Never have to worry about my future but instead of the next episode of Doug when he finally gets his hands on the oh so lovely Patty Mayonnaise (what's up with that name anyways?).
As I move forward and I start my so called "New Era" (big ups to the fitteds and Meilee for the brilliant name), I've realized that I can no longer do my old ways of picking up girls. Now I know what you're thinking, I should be taking care of bigger and more important things, but if you know me, you know that having a family of my own is something that is very dear to me and that is impossible to do so alone. I bring this up when I speak of my new era because I am no longer looking for a girl but rather a woman that I can share my life experiences with and start new memories with. It's so weird because I am finding it so difficult to talk to women nowadays, even with the Padre blood running through me. I feel like it may be past my time, I know, I'm only 19, but still, it could happen. I've had my eyes on these two women but I just feel like my looks and personality aren't up to par anymore. Ah...we'll see how things go. My love life seems so distant that it just might not be worth it anymore.
As far as everything else in my life, I feel that I am finally getting my shit done. My personal goal is to be an R.N. by age 23 latest and hopefully, if i choose to, have my masters by 25-26. It seems like that's so far from now but each day brings a new promise and I'm living my life to the fullest. I got side tracked by a year or two because I let my emotions get the best of me, but I am only stronger today because of my past.
So family, my one constant in life that just isn't that constant. Eddie is technically the only left in high school as David graduates this year. Where did the time go? With all this growing, I've noticed how much my cousins, the infamous c3, has grown apart. I know, I know, it's really hard to get together and do what we do because a lot of us are working our careers and some are even starting their own family. This is another part that I wish would never change but is inevitable. We will all eventually have our own families and c3 will only be a thing of the past. That's how I feel and I think it's about time that I let it out. I truly feel that the only thing keeping c3 together is the fact that our parents are still pretty close. We'll see how that plays out and if anything changes. It's probably just me though. Being the only only-child made me appreciate my family more and I really felt like I had 15 brothers and sisters. Hopefully that's it, maybe not. Who knows. Don't get me wrong, I'm probably not doing much to help this situation but it just seems like no one cares anymore, so neither do I.
Here's a throwback....know my family, they're the best; deal with it. We know it too.
Peace And Much Love.
-xtian
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| The dawn of a New Era.
Will you partake in my wondrous journey or be left behind?
Take my hand and i will show you the world, only if you let me.
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